A lot of people say that they’re constantly
having arguments with themselves in their heads, I’m no different. So for the
purposes of a cheap laugh serious psychological study, I’ve decided to
flick off the mute switch on my head ramblings for the day and see what
happens. So with a nagging thought that this is a really bad and potential
embarrassing idea, and for want of a better idea that doesn’t just poke fun at
myself, let’s do it.
8:30am:
I’m awake. Oh wow I’m tired, this sucks. What time did I go to bed last
night? I’m a socially awkward 20something Iain,
it’s not like I was out late or anything. Hmm, why am I so tired then?
Maybe I’m just lazy? It’s my day off. I’m supposed
to be lazy. I’m supposed to wake up like they do in films, where they
just yawn and stretch once and then they’re wide-awake. Well nobody actually does that, for me in the mornings success is not
dropping my phone on my face whilst I check my messages. I feel I need
better life goals. I’ll call this morning a success
if I don’t fall over when I stand up, how about that? Ok.
8:31am:
This morning has not been a success.
Well, I didn’t fall over at least. Yes
Iain, but you did miss the door handle and walk face first into your door. Admittedly.
9:15am:
Ok, all ready to face the day, I’m feeling motivated today! I’m not. No! I need to be motivated; I’ve got to
get stuff done. Well I’m not. Deal with it. I’ll
get some breakfast, and then I’ll feel better. I
probably won’t though. Come on, let’s get some positive thinking Iain!
You used to be so positive…what happened? I still
am. I’m positive I’m feeling unmotivated. Oh shut up. I’m going to breakfast. Breakfast will make
everything ok. Whatever.
9:30am:
Well…that was a lovely disappointing breakfast.
Still not motivated. No no no no no. I need
to do stuff. Mindlessly sitting on the computer
counts as stuff right? I can’t do that. I should go outside. That’s
where real life happens! But that means brushing my
hair and everything! Ah, who am I kidding, as if brushing my hair makes
any difference to how my hair actually looks, it will go mental anyway. Uh. Fair point. To the outside…like a normal human
being! This will be fun! This will not be fun.
10.00am:
See, this outside thing is lovely! Taking a stroll to town, listening
to music…no rush to get anywhere. This outside
thing is horrible. But it’s nice weather! It’s
too warm. My head hurts. The music is nice. These
headphones are terrible. Also my head still hurts. At least I’ve got no
plan so I can take my time and relax. What is the
point of this, I’m achieving nothing? Inspiration! I’m supposed to be a
creative person, remember? I need inspiration! There’s
a dead squirrel on the side of the road there. That’s not exactly the inspiration
I was looking for. Poor squirrel. Yeah. Poor
squirrel. Ah, remember that time a really fat
squirrel wandered in front of me? Wandered? He didn’t wander. He
waddled. He was so big…he probably just slid down
trees when he tried to climb them. Ok, stop thinking about squirrels
now. It’s weird. Inspiration!? I’m being inspired! Thinking about obese squirrels does not count
as inspiration. Oh.
Ok, so with that line about fat squirrels (that I’m pretty sure
nobody has ever said before) we reach the end of part 1 of ‘An Internal
Conflict’. If you enjoyed it keep your eyes out for more of the same in part 2….if
you didn’t enjoy it then part 2 will be completely different. Honest.
Thank you
Iain jb
Next time on ‘An internal
conflict’!
“I love you. I love
you too. I hate you. Go die. Harsh. Hate, love. what’s the difference? The quality of birthday presents. Oh. That makes
sense.”
“You could be at home playing ukulele
right now. Oh yeah, because that’s the height of coolness. Hey! It’s an electric ukulele! Ohh, ok that makes
it all ok then. *Rolls eyes*. Umm…did you just roll
your eyes as part of a conversation you’re having in your own head? How does
that work? Don’t look at me, I don’t make the rules. No, you just exploit them to write bad comedy."