An Internal Conflict

A lot of people say that they’re constantly having arguments with themselves in their heads, I’m no different. So for the purposes of a cheap laugh serious psychological study, I’ve decided to flick off the mute switch on my head ramblings for the day and see what happens. So with a nagging thought that this is a really bad and potential embarrassing idea, and for want of a better idea that doesn’t just poke fun at myself, let’s do it.

8:30am:

I’m awake. Oh wow I’m tired, this sucks. What time did I go to bed last night? I’m a socially awkward 20something Iain, it’s not like I was out late or anything. Hmm, why am I so tired then? Maybe I’m just lazy? It’s my day off. I’m supposed to be lazy. I’m supposed to wake up like they do in films, where they just yawn and stretch once and then they’re wide-awake. Well nobody actually does that, for me in the mornings success is not dropping my phone on my face whilst I check my messages. I feel I need better life goals. I’ll call this morning a success if I don’t fall over when I stand up, how about that? Ok.

8:31am:

This morning has not been a success.

Well, I didn’t fall over at least. Yes Iain, but you did miss the door handle and walk face first into your door. Admittedly.

9:15am:

Ok, all ready to face the day, I’m feeling motivated today! I’m not. No! I need to be motivated; I’ve got to get stuff done. Well I’m not. Deal with it. I’ll get some breakfast, and then I’ll feel better. I probably won’t though. Come on, let’s get some positive thinking Iain! You used to be so positive…what happened? I still am. I’m positive I’m feeling unmotivated. Oh shut up. I’m going to breakfast. Breakfast will make everything ok. Whatever.

9:30am:

Well…that was a lovely disappointing breakfast. Still not motivated. No no no no no. I need to do stuff. Mindlessly sitting on the computer counts as stuff right? I can’t do that. I should go outside. That’s where real life happens! But that means brushing my hair and everything! Ah, who am I kidding, as if brushing my hair makes any difference to how my hair actually looks, it will go mental anyway. Uh. Fair point. To the outside…like a normal human being! This will be fun! This will not be fun.

10.00am:

See, this outside thing is lovely! Taking a stroll to town, listening to music…no rush to get anywhere. This outside thing is horrible. But it’s nice weather! It’s too warm. My head hurts. The music is nice. These headphones are terrible. Also my head still hurts. At least I’ve got no plan so I can take my time and relax. What is the point of this, I’m achieving nothing? Inspiration! I’m supposed to be a creative person, remember? I need inspiration! There’s a dead squirrel on the side of the road there. That’s not exactly the inspiration I was looking for. Poor squirrel. Yeah. Poor squirrel. Ah, remember that time a really fat squirrel wandered in front of me? Wandered? He didn’t wander. He waddled. He was so big…he probably just slid down trees when he tried to climb them. Ok, stop thinking about squirrels now. It’s weird. Inspiration!? I’m being inspired! Thinking about obese squirrels does not count as inspiration. Oh.

Ok, so with that line about fat squirrels (that I’m pretty sure nobody has ever said before) we reach the end of part 1 of ‘An Internal Conflict’. If you enjoyed it keep your eyes out for more of the same in part 2….if you didn’t enjoy it then part 2 will be completely different. Honest.

Thank you

Iain jb

Next time on ‘An internal conflict’!

“I love you. I love you too. I hate you. Go die. Harsh. Hate, love. what’s the difference? The quality of birthday presents. Oh. That makes sense.”

“You could be at home playing ukulele right now. Oh yeah, because that’s the height of coolness. Hey! It’s an electric ukulele! Ohh, ok that makes it all ok then. *Rolls eyes*. Umm…did you just roll your eyes as part of a conversation you’re having in your own head? How does that work? Don’t look at me, I don’t make the rules. No, you just exploit them to write bad comedy."